Got held up on the way to the Zoom call. Literally.

 Every other Thursday I meet with a group of guys from Face-it.  Since COVID began we've been doing Zoom calls instead of meeting in person.  Midsummer I realized I could use the two hours to go for a walk, use my earbuds and enjoy some exercise while I enjoyed the call.  It's a great group of guys, and a tremendous part of my support system.

I haven't been walking as much lately because it gets dark early and I was a little worried about the recent uptick in crime.  But tonight was "dinner on your own" night and I like me some Jimmy Johns, so I figured I'd go for my walk, grab some takeout sandwich, and bring it back home to enjoy on the porch.  It's been lovely weather lately.

As I started my walk I joked to the guys that I was walking through Uptown so I'd probably get mugged.  We all laughed, and the call proceeded - though I wasn't on video, I was just doing audio, because who wants to do a Zoom video call while walking, right?  My earbuds have "ambient sound" mode, so I can still hear what's going on around me, so it's pretty safe.

As I'm happily walking along 33rd, just about to get to Fremont, I notice a black sedan pull into the driveway a bit ahead of me.  They cross the sidewalk so I don't have to stop, but I do notice that the reverse lights go on.  So I'm paying attention to make sure they don't accidentally run over me.  They don't, and I carry on.

About fifteen feet later I sense and hear movement behind me, so I turn to see a young, maybe 14 year old, kid with a generic blue facemask, and he puts a hand into my back and says "don't say anything or I'll shoot."

Seriously?  He looked so young.  And kinda angry.

So let's back up a bit.  

I walked home from work downtown to our house in Kingfield almost every day for ten years.  It was a great way to get exercise, decompress from work, and save money on gas.  I really enjoyed it.  I did, however, get a little nervous sometimes when it would get dark early, and I was just aware that we have some level of crime in the city.  My plan was to be loud (I can be loud, more on that later) and to walk directly into the middle of the street I walk down.  That street is Blaisdell and during the commute, is so busy that blocking it by walking into the street is likely far more dangerous than getting mugged -- but it would be an effective way of drawing attention to my situation.

I thought about self defense weapons or things like that, but really thought being aware of my surroundings and wise to the fact that there are bad guys out there was probably the best I could do.  Most of the time a weapon in a situation like that is used on the victim anyway.

I never had any issues, and the fact that I'm male, with a large-ish profile might have had something to do with that.  I'm aware of my priveledge, even if it's because I drink too much Summit beer.  I would get myself amped up from time to time when I thought I might be at risk, but always felt a little let down I had never been tested.

So I'm finally in that situation where a crime is being perpetrated against me.  I get to find out how I would react.

Backing up a bit again..

I spent five years in the Marine Corps.  Not the infantry.  We were a smart group of Marines who honestly thought a lot of the macho military stuff was a bit silly but we went along with it because we dropped out of college or something.  But the Marines nonetheless.  I'm quite proud of my service, and regardless of my job in the Marines, I went through the same bootcamp as everyone else.  As a skinny nerd I might have had a rougher time, in fact.  In any case, one of the things I learned from the Marines is what my family calls my "Marine Voice."  It comes from your stomach, takes all of your bottled up emotions, jams them through your lungs taking every breath of air you hold, and comes barreling out of your throat almost skipping the mouth.  It's quite loud, and I've been permanently banned from using it in the car.  Or indoors.  Or anywhere, really.  As I've matured I've mastered my emotions a little better and control my anger or agression or whatever.  Did I mention it was loud?  I'm quite proud of that, and if I can figure out how to make money belting out whatever I can, it would be a fun job.

One of the other things I took from the Marines is a sense of problem solving that usually shows up as a direct need to face a situation, usually somewhat aggressively, and look for a solution.  I'm pretty good at remaining calm, and like to go into logic mode when I can.

So looking at this kid I just went into Marine mode.  Remembering that my time in the Marines was 30 years ago, it's just something that never goes away.  The thing in my back didn't feel like a sharp thing (knife) or anything really heavy (gun) and to be honest if it was a guy he wasn't aming it anywhere important, and it wouldn't be more than a .22, so it's just a little hole.  We have lots of hospitals around here, what's the worst that could happen?

Oh yeah, I'm a little dark, too, so regardless of my mental state I've always had a tiny bit of a death wish.

So at full Marine volume I say (shout?  emote?)  "Go ahead, shoot me" and then remembering that if you're being mugged on a New York street nobody will look at someone yelling "Help" but they'll look if someone says "fire!" I yell "Fire!  Fire!  There'a a fire here!" and so on.

The kid went from angry to wide eyed, confused, and scared in a heartbeat.  He turned and ran toward the car and I could see there were two others in the car.  Kids, really.  And they all had the same look of "what the hell is happening here?" on their faces.  

At this point I'm actively mad and he's running, but I'm walking briskly after him yelling for him to get out of the neighborhood, go away, things like that.  It's likely my language was fairly coarse.  Like, you know the phrase "swearing like a sailor"?  Well the Marines are a department of the Navy, just sayin'.

The kids offer some halfhearted responses, but to be honest I couldn't hear them over my own volume, and they didn't look like they were really trying that hard.  Off they sped, this old man standing on the sidewalk yelling his head off at them.  Problem solved.

I'll file a police report at some point but there was little point to calling 911.  Black car (likely stolen), didn't get a license, three kids.  Same description as the rest of the latest incidents.

So I turn, announce "All is well, carry on" to the neighborhood, and continued on to pick up my dinner.  Went right back to my (still on) Zoom call, luckily I was on mute.  When I told the guys they thought it was hilarious.  So did I.  Nothing like a good shot of adrenaline to put some pep in your step.

 

Yes, I know, it was technically foolish.  No, you shouldn't do this.  I shouldn't do this.  I could have been hurt, etc.  I made some assumptions and was lucky it went the way it did.  I love you too.